When my daughter Kamila died on June 9, 2021, my world came apart. I didn’t know how to keep living, or how to survive.
I began writing Out of Order to find words for my own grief. Now, it’s also a place for others to rest, reflect, and feel less alone as they navigate their own losses.
The Thing Is
BY ELLEN BASS
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you down like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
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